The Journal of pureleaf.
Oooh whatcha saaaaay? 03-12-12 18:44
Thought about waiting a week or so to make it an even year since I've left something valuable, but I'm sitting here with less than nothing to do so I figured I'd write a bit.

Not a lot of links to click on the right here. Is the host paying for nothing these days or is it just a slow week?

Anyways, the point of my post. I've been very seriously thinking about up and moving to a random city in the United States for a year just BECAUSE. Cars paid off, no CC debt, school will be done for a while, and I want to say someday I did something crazy/ill-advised.

Guess what city is on my Top 5 list? That's right dicks and dames, Portland. So, fill me in. Why should I or should I not move to Portland?

Couple things about me that are important:

1) I like rain. Like for real, like rain.
2) I like the beach.
3) I'm an independent that's grown up in a very right leaning state, and being in an overly left state isn't necessarily a bad thing for the sake of balance. I think it'll bring me more center from the left actually, because I'll get see to see how "the other side" lives.
4) I have a douchebag roommate (jk) and a lovely girlfriend who both may or may not be accompanying me on this trip.

Does no one post anymore? 04-24-11 20:03
Can not wait for summer. 03-15-10 18:28
I've never really had a traditional "college" summer like most people in my demographic because I was always working. I recently changed jobs.

I'm planning on doing anything and everything up to and short of getting arrested.

And, I can. not. wait.
If Not Here Then Where?

Either Democrat or Republican
At the end of the day, just another man
Who screams from the top of his mini van
About Mission Accomplished and Yes We Can

But, I've been to Iraq and Afghanistan
Where I've seen the face of the Taliban
And, the saddest part is that where we stand
You can feel the blast of dessert sand

Only it falls from the brow of a Mexican
Where the fence is broken by hungry hands
Is the guard really protecting the promise land?
Or, perpetuating the old hateful klan

What I'm really saying is I don't understand
About Gods and fate and a greater plan
I just try to maintain my attention span
While I listen songs from the marching band

That sing songs from the heart of Americans
About peace, love, and freedom and farmers tans
A child cries on the tv as the camera pans
And, we all stare in awe of the high command

I'm grateful, I promise, I really am
Because here is a place we can take a stand
And, run further than anyone has ever ran
And, be greater than Ceasar and all his fans

I just hope that we find what we seem to can't
Before all we become is a nations brand
Every cloth must begin with a single strand
So, tonight let me write what I hear inside
I've had a broken heart for seven years. It never goes away. I truly do not believe it ever will fully.

Since that's happened, I've inadvertently and unintentionally broken exactly 4 other hearts. Was mine some sort of preemptive karma doing?

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Once, when I was 5, after my family and I had just moved into the house that I would spend the rest of my life growing up in, I had a vividly terrible nightmare. There were two massive rubber bands pulling me in opposite directions. I was screaming in terror and pain. In reality, I was standing in the doorway of the bathroom screaming at the top of my lungs. I nearly gave my parents a heart attack at 3 in the morning. My Dad ran to me, grabbed me by the shoulders, and instantly I stopped screaming. I woke up with an absolute look of calm on my face, and simply walked back into my room and went to sleep. My father would go on to tell me it was one of the weirdest and scariest moments in his life as a parent.

It's early morning now. I'm wide awake right now because of another incident like this one. I was sleeping. My brother came home late from his girlfriends. He was in the bathroom adjacent to my room. My door was closed. I was sleeping. He closed the bathroom door, and for whatever reason, it woke me. And, instantly when I woke, I saw a figure standing over me in the dark. It didn't have a recognizable face, but it terrified me. I wasn't fully awake, but I also really wasn't sleeping.

My first reaction, and it always is, because this "waking up and seeing something threating in the room" thing isn't new to me, was to throw my pillow at it. It's my way of sort of distracting whatever it is in front of me in order to get out of bed to get some footing. I started screaming as loud as I could. It was a terrified and angry scream together. I started charging toward this figure swinging as hard as I could over and over. When I kept swinging and not hitting anything, I turned and jumped for the light switch. I swung my door open and my brother was standing at the door with a terrified look on his face. Instantly, just like when I was a child, a calm overcame me as if nothing happened. Well, more like it had happened, but that it was all IN the dream.

My Dad came running downstairs thinking something terrible had happened.

I am so embarrassed right now. Not to mention, sometime during the imaginary melee, I busted my hand on something and it tore a chunk of skin out. I can't find anything in my room that I actually hit, so I don't really know how it happened. It hurts like a bitch, though. Like a big baby, all I can think about is Paranormal Activity right now. I don't want to go back to sleep. I'm afraid I'll see that figure again.

What the fuck is wrong with me? :-(
It's like the girl has ESP, I swear.

How long ago was it when I left that shit at her car? Couple months? Haven't called, texted, Facebook'd, or even (intentionally) though about her since. Been talking to someone lately and have been extraordinarily happy. She even got a new number, and I intentionally did not go looking for it. I didn't want it. That way, just in case I decided to be a vag and breakdown and call I couldn't.

So, today, random text message from a random number with nothing in it but a local radio station. Like an idiot, I turn the radio on, and guess what? Out song, from 8 fucking years ago.

Why can't she just let it go? She knows I'm never going to get over it. That's fine. It is what it is. I want to move on. I leave her alone. I leave it all alone.

It's like whenever there is any happiness in my life, she pops up like thunder in a snowstorm to suck it out of me. I am a good hearted person. I do not deserve this. I always did right by her.

I get it, girl. "Us" isn't going to happen.

She just wants to know it's there in case. She wants to make sure its always there for the taking. The fucked up part is that it always is.
It's become something of a therapy session to post while waiting for movies to start. I convinced myself not to see Avatar for the 6th time tonight. George Clooney better rock my world

I'm supposed to hear back from the potential new job in the next few days. Can not tell you how hopeful I am for the position. Even if I hate the job, the fact that I was able to make such a big change has really helped make life good lately. I'm actually considering working both jobs for a few months so I can finish paying off some bills. And, I'm pretty sure I've found a nice apartment that I want to go for in a few months. I can use the extra money after I pay some things off to furnish it nicely. I've always had ok "college type" furniture, but I thinks it's time for some nice stuff. Maybe a nice black leather couch?

I'll post more later.
Just got a call from for the job I applied for...the one I thought I had no shot at. Did a phone interview. And, it went really, really well. I am so stoked right now. So stoked.

I want to run up and down the street screaming.


I didn't get an official offer yet. So, I need to temper my excitement a bit.
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